THEME: THE APPROVED FAMILY (GEN 18:19)

TOPIC:   PARENTING – CHOOSING YOUR BATTLE

TEXT:    EPH 6:1-4; PSALM 127:3-5; MAL 2:15                             

TEACHER: PASTOR (MRS) OGUNFOWORA IDOWU                                                              

                                                                                                          DATE: 11/10/2016

                                                                                                     STUDY NO. 2

                                                                                                                            FGCFZHQ/BSC/0002

INTRODUCTION

Children are a gift from God, temporarily entrusted to Godly parents (who are themselves growing in following God) for the purpose of raising Godly offspring who will fulfill God’s agenda here on earth. This “process” can be referred to as “sacred stewardship” and everyone entrusted with this assignment desires to succeed. However, it takes a lot of work and a lot of time (several years) to raise a child that is perfectly aligned to the dream of our Heavenly Father.

1.      WHAT IS PARENTING?

Parenting is the process of nurturing a child to become a responsible and God fearing adult who can in turn will influence his generation for God and impact the society positively. This must be approached with the understanding that children belong to God (Ps 127:3-5) and God’s desired outcome is to produce Godly offspring (Mal 2:15). For born again Christians parenting is not only about our biological children, we also need to help spiritual children who may not be in our homes.

2.      CHOOSING YOUR BATTLE – THE MEANING

Choosing your battle as parent simply mean focusing on what is important at every stage of development of the child from childhood through adolescent to adulthood and there are bound to be conflicts that need to be carefully resolved at every stage. As a parent you cannot fight on every issue, but when you need to fight ensure that the issue are truly important (relates to negative future impact) and are worth fighting about. Some examples of battles during the parenting process are:

Ø  Your five-year-old will not want to go to bed by 9pm. He wants to watch cartoon.

Ø  Your teenage child prefers a particular type of dressing to church and family gathering (dressing does not have any indecent exposures)

Ø  Your 22 years old son wants to keep an afro although he will not keep the hair properly combed.

Ø  Your 28 years old daughter is in love with a brother from another tribe – you really do not like intertribal marriage as a Christian.

Ø  Your fifteen-year-old teenager wants to go to another church and does not like your proposed choice of university.

3.      WHY PARENTS NEED TO CHOOSE THEIR BATTLE – 1 Sam 3:13, Eph 6:2-4

a.       Parenting takes a lot of years to redirect a child sinful natural tendencies (Rom 3:23) which focuses on being self-centered to a spirit –led life focused on others. A lot of conflicts should be expected in this spiritual battle.

b.      To achieve God’s desire of raising Godly offspring, parents have a responsibility for managing the conflicts productively and avoid rebellion.

c.       Parenting is a leadership role and good leaders achieve their goals by influence, mentoring, modeling what you desire to see and a display of character that inspires confidence in the followers (children)

d.      Personality difference between parent and child can be a source of conflict. While some children are complaint and easy to manage, others are strong-willed and can be quite challenging to manage during the parenting process.

e.       God’s definition of success, societal definition of success and child’s definition of success is a potential source of conflict.

f.       Responsibility for maintaining a relationship by showing love to achieve influence while maintaining discipline is the whole essence of choosing your battle.

4.      PARENTING EFFECTIVELY BY CHOOSING YOUR BATTLE-WHAT WE NEED TO DO

a.     As parents be very clear about the PURPOSE OF PARENTING

                         i.        To raise Godly children-children who will hear God and obey the instructions of God (Mal 2:15)

                       ii.        To bring up Christ-like child Luke 2:52. And Jesus increased in wisdom (Intellectual, and Stature (Physical) and in favour with God (Spiritual) and men (Social).

b.    Parents need to agree on a PLAN on how fulfill the purpose for parenting – Luke 14:28; Prov 21:5; Amos 3:3

                         i.        Matching Parenting style with the child’s stage of development and God’s purpose while maintaining a good balance of love and discipline.

                       ii.        Establishing parental authority early while making out time for bonding required for building a strong relationship with children.

                     iii.        Create an environment where children can obey God by;

Ø  Providing structures for training and establishing the standards expected in the home.

Ø  Setting up boundaries on what is not permitted.

Ø  Implementing agreed consequences for certain negative actions.

                     iv.        As children grow up, reduce control and increase freedom with appropriate responsibility.

                       v.        Parents must always agree on plan, we cannot raise Godly offspring’s in disagreement – Amos 3:3, Mal 2:15

c.     As parents we need to follow Godly PRINCIPLES for raising children – Prov 22:6

                         i.        Training should be done at every available opportunity – Deut 11:19, 6:7-9

                       ii.        God’s standard or the world’s standard for a successful child – Matt 6:33

                     iii.        They need to be taught to love Jesus – Lk 10:24-27, John 14:15

                     iv.        They must know the laws of God in the Bible and obey it – John 14:23

d.    Parents need to be PERSISTENT in enforcing Godly principles.

                         i.        Telling is not enough apply consequences when necessary – 1 Sam 3:13

                       ii.        Continue with the instructions in righteousness until you get result. 2 Tim 3:16

                     iii.        Raise children based on focus and not fear 2 Tim 1:7

e.       As parents be PATIENCE while waiting for God’s purpose.

I recognize that parental role is to “TRAIN UP A CHILD THE WAY HE SHOULD GO” (Prov 22:6) and allow God to handle “WHEN HE IS OLD HE WILL NOT DEPART FROM IT”

f.       As parents we need PRAYERS all the way – 1 Thess 5:16

                         i.        You need prayers to know the mind of God for the child and to continue in patience and perseverance instead of fear and anxiety – Phil 4:6

                       ii.        You need prayers to win all the battles and forces (within and outside) working against the child – Lk18:1

CONCLUSION

Parenting is not a popularity contest, it is not meant to make children happy but to stay consistent about discipline and character. As we focus on what is important to God which is “Raising Godly offspring: have faith in God. One day when the children are no longer at home they will be like Joseph, Daniel and the Rechabites in Jeremiah 35:5-9 who said no to sin even in the absence of parents. IT WILL TAKE FAITH AND DELIBERATE HARDWORK, MAY GOD DEPEND ON US TO DO ALL IT TAKES TO RAISE GODLY OFFSPRINGS